Individual –entails – Environment – which emerges from –
capacities – which form boundaries and networks – that give rise to the
individual
1.
Mundane
or utilitarian object: The inherited
world in a teapot.
There were three different applications or
perspectives from this story. I looked at the diagram as it related to 1. The mother of the boy who was paraplegic ,
2. My mother and the other neighborhood
women who formed network to help the boy’s mother, and 3. The boy himself.
With the first mother (Helen), we see a
woman who starts out as very much the same as the rest of the mothers or women
of that time, (1960s) living in our neighborhood. She didn’t work outside the home, she didn’t
drive, she had three children and was married.
The focus of her day to day life, therefore, arises mostly from her
environment, and again, much the same as the other women around her. She:
bakes, cooks and keeps the house clean; she watches soap operas during
the day while her kids are at school, to pass the time; she visits with the
other neighborhood women almost daily.
She comes and goes during the day with any child who is not yet in
school, there’s no daycare or need for that, no pre-school programs. All of the preschool kids play together and
pass their outgrown belongings around to one another. She has no siblings, parents or inlaws
living close by. She depends entirely on
a day to day basis, on the other women in the neighborhood for her support and
validation.
Helen’s capacity to deal with having this
tragic event occur within her family appears to be good. We don’t know for sure, but Helen doesn’t
take up drinking, her marriage is stable, she continues to keep a nice home, he
other children do well and are well adjusted at school. We don’t know for sure, what Helen draws on
from her own personal strength in mothering her paraplegic son, I don’t know if
she went to church, she wasn’t outwardly religious. Her capacities, it seems would have come from
the natural instincts of a mother who loves her firstborn more than life itself,
the emotional support of her husband and children. Helen also seemed to have a very good
intellect and a strong disposition as far as remaining committed to living the
lifestyle that she has created for herself with her family.
The boundaries, for Helen, arise in that we
cannot imagine, what went on in her mind psychologically speaking through
this. We can say, she seemed to handle
it ok or as well as could be expected, but we don’t know what happened in
private moments, we can’t imagine at all what this would be like for another
mother unless our own child was similarly injured. So as much as we can feel sorry for her, or
try to understand her, or support her, we can never approach the psychological
boundary of having to cope in that scenario.
The network for Helen, would consist of her husband, doctors and
caregivers, friends and neighbors, her church perhaps.
My mother, Marie, is just the same as
Helen, although her marriage is not as good and her husband is not the
supportive, generous loving type. He is
away a lot camping and hunting, yells at her when he is home, is tight with
money, abusive, yells at the kids a lot.
Marie, however was brought up on a farm in
N. Maine by parents who nurture, support, cherish, love and adore their
children. She learns to be patient,
accepting and compassionate with all people, she is a wonderfully loving and
caring mother. All the neighborhood
children want to visit with us the most, they eat with us, stay overnight, camp
with us, play outside with us until all hours of the night.
Marie is very much valued by the other
women, she is regarded an expert housekeeper, fine baker, good mother with
excellent moral character and judgment. She is often sought out for advice by the
other women on how to best raise children, how to take care of a baby, how to
fix something in the house, how to run a household, how to save money, how to
buy, where to buy, etc. etc.
She is the first one of all the women
consulted whenever family emergencies or tragedy strikes in the
neighborhood. These are all qualities
that she has gained as a result of being raised by loving parents but being in
a marriage and family where money is tight but the desire to be self-sufficient
is strong.
When our neighbor’s husband was killed in
an airplane accident doing his forest ranger duties, she was asked by the wife
to go to the school, get the children and to tell them that their father had
died in an accident, and she did it as asked!
That’s how much these women respected my mother’s friendship and her
ability to nurture children. She often
told me it was one of the hardest things in her life she ever had to do. I can’t even begin to express what she said
it was like having to do that, but she told me many times about the youngest
little girl becoming hysterical and climbing right up her leg and waist, right
up on top of my mother, like she was trying to put a fire out of her own little
body. I don’t know how my mother ever did it,
but she did it.
My mother’s boundaries and networks - I
know she hid the abusive behaviors of my father from her girlfriends, she was
very embarrassed by them. Because of
this boundary, I remember her as frequently depressed, without energy or enthusiasm, or busying
herself in such a way as to forget her troubles. The boundary kept her isolated, emotionally,
in dealing with her depression, pain, disappointment in her life and marriage. My mother died of breast cancer ini 2007, but
when I think back on her and the last ten years of her life, I do believe it
was that boundary and her depression that killed her in the end.
My mother’s network were her siblings, her
parents, us kids in particular, her oldest daughter.
Joey’s networks after the accident would
have been his parents, his parent’s friends including my mother, his own
friends, doctors and hospitals and perhaps some service type people. There weren’t systems in place then like
there is now, no respite services or day camps for the disabled, no
occupational rehab programs, no transportaton services or other kinds of even volunteer services like we have today. I think what he received in the way of
physical therapy would have been limited as well.
