Mundane / Utilitarian Object, Ex. Week One - Teapot

Individual –entails – Environment – which emerges from – capacities – which form boundaries and networks – that give rise to the individual

1.        Mundane or utilitarian object:  The inherited world in a teapot.

 

There were three different applications or perspectives from this story. I looked at the diagram as it related to 1.  The mother of the boy who was paraplegic , 2.  My mother and the other neighborhood women who formed network to help the boy’s mother, and 3. The boy himself.

 

With the first mother (Helen), we see a woman who starts out as very much the same as the rest of the mothers or women of that time, (1960s) living in our neighborhood.  She didn’t work outside the home, she didn’t drive, she had three children and was married.  The focus of her day to day life, therefore, arises mostly from her environment, and again, much the same as the other women around her.  She:  bakes, cooks and keeps the house clean; she watches soap operas during the day while her kids are at school, to pass the time; she visits with the other neighborhood women almost daily.  She comes and goes during the day with any child who is not yet in school, there’s no daycare or need for that, no pre-school programs.  All of the preschool kids play together and pass their outgrown belongings around to one another.   She has no siblings, parents or inlaws living close by.  She depends entirely on a day to day basis, on the other women in the neighborhood for her support and validation.

 

Helen’s capacity to deal with having this tragic event occur within her family appears to be good.  We don’t know for sure, but Helen doesn’t take up drinking, her marriage is stable, she continues to keep a nice home, he other children do well and are well adjusted at school.  We don’t know for sure, what Helen draws on from her own personal strength in mothering her paraplegic son, I don’t know if she went to church, she wasn’t outwardly religious.  Her capacities, it seems would have come from the natural instincts of a mother who loves her firstborn more than life itself, the emotional support of her husband and children.   Helen also seemed to have a very good intellect and a strong disposition as far as remaining committed to living the lifestyle that she has created for herself with her family. 

 

The boundaries, for Helen, arise in that we cannot imagine, what went on in her mind psychologically speaking through this.  We can say, she seemed to handle it ok or as well as could be expected, but we don’t know what happened in private moments, we can’t imagine at all what this would be like for another mother unless our own child was similarly injured.  So as much as we can feel sorry for her, or try to understand her, or support her, we can never approach the psychological boundary of having to cope in that scenario. 

 

The network for Helen,  would consist of her husband, doctors and caregivers, friends and neighbors, her church perhaps.

 

My mother, Marie, is just the same as Helen, although her marriage is not as good and her husband is not the supportive, generous loving type.  He is away a lot camping and hunting, yells at her when he is home, is tight with money, abusive, yells at the kids a lot.

Marie, however was brought up on a farm in N. Maine by parents who nurture, support, cherish, love and adore their children.  She learns to be patient, accepting and compassionate with all people, she is a wonderfully loving and caring mother.  All the neighborhood children want to visit with us the most, they eat with us, stay overnight, camp with us, play outside with us until all hours of the night. 

 

Marie is very much valued by the other women, she is regarded an expert housekeeper, fine baker, good mother with excellent moral character and judgment.  She is often sought out for advice by the other women on how to best raise children, how to take care of a baby, how to fix something in the house, how to run a household, how to save money, how to buy, where to buy, etc. etc. 

She is the first one of all the women consulted whenever family emergencies or tragedy strikes in the neighborhood.  These are all qualities that she has gained as a result of being raised by loving parents but being in a marriage and family where money is tight but the desire to be self-sufficient is strong.

 

When our neighbor’s husband was killed in an airplane accident doing his forest ranger duties, she was asked by the wife to go to the school, get the children and to tell them that their father had died in an accident, and she did it as asked!  That’s how much these women respected my mother’s friendship and her ability to nurture children.  She often told me it was one of the hardest things in her life she ever had to do.   I can’t even begin to express what she said it was like having to do that, but she told me many times about the youngest little girl becoming hysterical and climbing right up her leg and waist, right up on top of my mother, like she was trying to put a fire out of her own little body.  I don’t know how my mother ever did it, but she did it. 

 Her capacity to show generosity, concern, support and devotion to Helen was great.  Her ability to sympathize was intense and whenever and in whatever way she could help Helen, she did.  Her capacity to relate to the boy, Joey, was greater than anyone I can think of in the same situation.  A nurse couldn’t have been better.  Joey loved my mother and would always ask for her to come and stay with him and she would.  I think of all the mothers in the neighborhood, my mother probably stayed the most with him. 

 

My mother’s boundaries and networks  -  I know she hid the abusive behaviors of my father from her girlfriends, she was very embarrassed by them.  Because of this boundary, I remember her as frequently depressed,  without energy or enthusiasm, or busying herself in such a way as to forget her troubles.  The boundary kept her isolated, emotionally, in dealing with her depression, pain, disappointment in her life and marriage.  My mother died of breast cancer ini 2007, but when I think back on her and the last ten years of her life, I do believe it was that boundary and her depression that killed her in the end.

 

My mother’s network were her siblings, her parents, us kids in particular, her oldest daughter.

 Joey, was a typical young man coming of age in the sixties.  He was extremely well liked and a very nice looking, popular boy.  He was the first one in the neighborhood to get a motorcycle.  All the girls wanted to by Joey’s girlfriend.  My sister was a beauty, she liked Joey a lot, I think they might have had couple of dates, but the kids at that time mostly hung out in groups. 

 Joey was raised by Helen and Doug, the eldest of three, in an ordered household with parents who were supportive, understanding, hardworking and accepting.  He became a quadriplegic as a result of being in an accident on the motorcycle.  For Joey, his personal environment had two aspects, the home life environment, and the environment of being locked into a quadriplegic’s body.  Finally there’s the environment of the second within the first. 

 I didn’t know Joey well enough, or his parents to ask such a personal question as to how they think he coped, but I do remember my mother saying he always had a positive attitude or that he was at least happy when she was there.  He joked with her, watched his favorite tv shows with her, enjoyed having his friends drop by occasionally to visit, etc.   It would appear that he had a good capacity to deal with his injuries, and those capacities would have come from his upbringing, I would imagine.   On the other hand, Joey’s personal and physical boundaries may have kept him from every expressing deep regrets and depressive behaviors or reactions.  It wasn’t like he could get up, walk out, get in a car, and drive himself over a cliff.  In the end, Joey drowned, they said his wheel chair malfunctioned, but it can’t be proven that it was a malfunction vs. suicide, so I don’t know. 

 

Joey’s networks after the accident would have been his parents, his parent’s friends including my mother, his own friends, doctors and hospitals and perhaps some service type people.  There weren’t systems in place then like there is now, no respite services or day camps for the disabled, no occupational rehab programs, no transportaton services or other kinds of even volunteer services like we have today.  I think what he received in the way of physical therapy would have been limited as well.